It's Saturday night. Me, myself & I decide to head to my favorite cafe and read. Yes, I actually do this. I was an only child, so spending time alone doesn't feel weird to me. My lifelong love of reading was ignited at a very young age. I gravitate towards all different types of books depending on my mood, or whatever obstacle I'm presently confronted with. This week I decided to dive into this 300 page gem, Intimacy & Solitude.
This is a wonderfully warm book into self discovery. Stephanie Dowrick is a masterful author who carefully guides you to find your own answers. Dowrick argues that in order to find success in any relationship, one must first gain an understanding of self. The way you experience and see yourself is directly related to the way you experience and develop your intimate relationships. In this day and age we are so terriffied of spending time alone that we will seek any relationship/distraction, toxic or not, to fill that void, to prevent any moment of silence.
Ironically, it is through true solitude that we develop self knowledge, which is the key to closeness with others.
I often get overwhelmed by the reality of not being able to remember everything I have learned from a book. It recently dawned on me that I will retain only what serves me at that time. My cliff notes may not be the message intended for you, but I will indulge you nonetheless with a few golden bits I like to call ....
"Nela's Nuggets".........take time to savor each bite.
-you cannot feel more for another person than you are capable of feeling for yourself.
-you bring to intimate relationships the same self you are in touch with-or not-when you are alone.
-you cannot make other people happy. you are not responsible for their happiness and they are not responsible for yours.
-no matter how difficult it may be, it is infinitely more vitalising to attempt to develop in yourself the qualities you need in other people
-no one can save us, we can only save ourselves
-a relationship takes on more importance than it should and tosses you into emotional turmoil when you aren't whole, when you aren't grounded, when your self is still left to be discovered.